catnip and coffee

I promised myself I wouldn’t blog today until I was showered, the boy was fed and dressed, and the kitchen was actually clean. Done. (Well, really I promised that to myself yesterday. Did you notice I didn’t post yesterday??)

I’ve been working this thing over in my mind last few days, and now I think it’s time to spew it up before it festers. You know how that is, right? I know you do, some of you have admitted it before!

So I went to a bridal shower for a cousin on Sunday. I sat at a table with a few other cousins and one of my sisters. These are cousins I only see at weddings and showers and anniversary parties, but when we do get together we always have lots of laughs. This occasion was no different.

However. I committed two of the worst sins of mommyhood.

Do you know what those are? Don’t we all?

First, I asked a married, childless woman when she’s gonna have a baby. <<hides in shame>> Oh, yes I did.

Second, I regaled a poor pregnant woman with horrors of childbirth. <<blushing furiously>> Yes, I did that too.

Well, okay, to defend myself about the first. I’ve had the baby conversation with that particular cousin before, and not always of my doing. (I think?) I just shouldn’t have said anything in front of the rest of the table. No wait. I shouldn’t have said it at all! I did take my opportunity to apologize later, in the car, and we had a long discussion about that sort of thing. (We went to the event together.) She was genuinely sweet about it, and we had a great time otherwise, and discovered a mutual love of gardening. But dang, it’s still just hanging over my head.

The thing is, I was married for seven years before we had a baby. People asked me the “when” question quite often for all those years. I was never really offended, but my reason for at least the first 5 years - we will when we have a house - was always countered with “if you wait until your financially ready, you’ll never do it.” That’s what always annoyed me, because I didn’t believe it was true. I felt like it was irresponsible of me to have a baby when I was young and in debt. If we had had an accidental baby, that would have been one thing, we would have dealt with it and we would have been okay. But to plan on a child, when I knew I could not afford it, just didn’t seem right. Not only that, but since I’ve had one child, there have been multitudes of queries about when I’ll have another. Um. Never. Someday I’ll tell you about that.

I’m digressing, as usual. My point is, everyone has their own reasons for not having a baby, and I am well aware of that - yet I asked anyway! It was one of those time when my mouth worked before my brain had a chance to stop it. Foot in mouth disease. Today I resolve to never try to never do that again.

In defense of faux pas #2, <sigh> all I can say is, I wasn’t the only one, and I didn’t start it. Hmm, not a great excuse huh? This dumbass totally jumped on the bandwagon! That poor thing. She was a little pale at one point, so I did try to stop it, but she kept saying “It’s okay, I need to know these things!”

Actually, we didn’t say anything horrific, really, I swear. I kept back the really bad stuff! Heh. I only tried to impart my only good advice to any new mom to-be, however she becomes a mom: nothing ever goes as planned, so better not to plan too much and you won’t be disappointed. I learned that the hard way myself. Read my birth story and you’ll know what I mean.

In any case, I did apologize to her later as well, knowing we had gone too far. I now resolve to find a chance, before September, to have another conversation with her about all the good things about being a mom!

Phew. I feel better. Thanks for letting me get that out. So, you do have any etiquette blunder regrets you need to get out? Sing it sisters!