catnip and coffee

There are some things that you’re supposed to learn as a kid, some things as a teenager, some as a college student, and on. Somewhere along the line there’s a few important life skills I never caught on to.

I can’t go underwater without holding my nose. I know. I probably should take swimming lessons right along with my kid. All my older siblings learned at a Y in NY State many moons ago, but when my turn came, that was about the time we moved, to the backwoods of Maine, where there are no Ys. No really, there wasn’t a public pool with 50 miles. My oldest sister tried to teach me in a pond but I didn’t want her to boss me around so I didn’t listen. Heh. Imagine that. Now don’t get me wrong, I love the water, I’m not afraid of the water. I just don’t really go underwater all that much. Cause you know, drowning and all.

I never learned to ride a bike. <GASP> Really. We had a terribly steep, gravel driveway when I was growing up and the skinny, winding road we lived on was full of mack trucks double timing it to the nearby mill. I was scared to death. The first and only time I tried to ride a two wheeler in our driveway, I fell off, scraped up my elbow, ripped my favorite pants, and forswore it forever. I have no idea why my father let me give up so quickly but knowing my personality, I’m sure he knew once I’d made up my mind, it was a lost cause.

Now, somewhere around college age, correct me if I’m wrong, but most people learn how to play poker. Maybe only once, probably drunk, but you usually get the basics down. Now I know it’s not a truly necessary life skill, however if you can’t participate in poker games, it severely limits the possibilities for social events. And when you’re a mommy, you take your Ladies Night Out when you can get it.

I’ve never been much of a gambler. Winning money in a poker game does not hold any appeal to me. I only buy a lottery ticket maybe once or twice a year - mostly because it doesn’t occur to me. The one and only time I went to Vegas the highlight of my trip was the Star Trek Experience. (I’d go again in a second!) I played a few nickel slots but it only felt like flushing a toilet. Flushing my money down a toilet specifically.

For the last two years I’ve managed to avoid the Texas Hold’em game that my local circle of friends plays monthly. From what I’ve heard, they have a great time, and they don’t take themselves too seriously. They’ve all said “you should come!” many times. Last month, I got it in my head that I might actually go. Then it was unexpectedly canceled. Off the hook for March!

Now it’s April. The game is tonight. I’m committed to go. I’m excited to go. I’m trying something new! Woohoo! Yeah, right. I know for certain, with this group of women, I will have a blast. Oh, but I do hate to be they only one in the room who’s clueless. Hate it. But clueless I will be, for I know nothing. I had to print a cheat sheet of what hand beats what. Seriously, I had never heard of a flop was until I was scrambling about on poker sites late last night, trying to learn the lingo. To me, a flop is falling off my bike and never getting back on.

Wish me luck.